We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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