Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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