have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
