i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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