Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
