dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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