Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't put those talents on a resume
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
