Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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