my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We need to rekindle our bromance
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
