the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
