She announced her abortion via fbk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
