quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
