So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
