Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
