I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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