I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
