i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
