I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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