im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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