And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Houston, we have a blender
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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