I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
