Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
