My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
