I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
