i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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