i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My cat gives me a boner
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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