No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im holly from the hills drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
