the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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