We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
