My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
