I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
