pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I still have a little drunk in my system
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
