My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
