i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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