My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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