Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
