omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
