Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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