I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
