I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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