How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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