I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
