He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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