she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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