Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
