There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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