you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
