I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
