Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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