I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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