I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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