it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
