On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
