i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
