We named our party play list daddy issues
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
