You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
