I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
