I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
