he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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