I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize