I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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