Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
