thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
