i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
