check it out our google latitudes are spooning
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
